Raising Children without Religion

by Dave Silverman

I often get requests for advice from parents who wish to raise their children without religion, or who at least want to provide a religion -free influence in the lives of their children. While I am far from an expert in the subject matter, I have what I think are some pretty good ideas on raising nonreligious children.

My ideas (not all are mine -- I openly admit to having stolen the last one from Ellen [Ellen Johnson, president of American Atheists. Ed.]) are outlined below in no particular order. This list is as anything but complete, and suggestions and additions are welcomed. However, I hope and think this will help answer some of the frequent questions I get on the subject.

1. Address the issues of gods as common nouns. There is not one god, there are many. Thousands in fact, all the same and all fictional. Talk about Zeus, Qetzalcoatl, Thor, and Jesus. Explain how these gods were used in the past (to answer unknowns), how followers of these gods were absolutely positive of the god’s existence, and how they even killed in their names. As gods got old, new gods came along, for no real reason other than a need for change and the progress of science. Now, there are far fewer gods left, and many people still believe in them, for the same reasons they believed in ancient Tiki gods.

   In my house, I have a sculpture of Neptune on the wall. In the sculpture, Neptune is blowing on a ship, filling its sails. My four-year-old and I talk about it often. How silly those people were - to think that an old man in the sky was watching them, and blowing their ship along the ocean!

   By equating all gods and mythologies in their minds, they will be more skeptical when someone tells them that one of them is real.

2. Teach them magic tricks. As early as I can remember, my dad gave me magic tricks to astound my friends. I would tell them “There’s no trick - it’s Magic!” All the while, I knew those who believed it were being fooled. I learned that there is always a trick, always an explanation, even if I didn’t know what it was at the time. Sound familiar?

3. For older kids, there’s a wonderful game out there called “MindTrap”. It’s this great card game where you try to think outside the box to solve a problem. Here’s an example:

   A black dog is standing in the middle of a street with no streetlights and no houses. A car with no headlights comes around the corner and stops before it hits the dog. Why? Because it was daytime.

   This game encourages critical thinking, problem solving, and rational processes. I love it!

4. Get some hands-on, face-to-face charity in there. Show them how good it feels to help someone. Tell them this is the Atheist way (which is true) - hands that do are much better than lips that pray.

5. On a related note, see if you can find people on TV who are praying instead of helping, and point it out.

6. Finally, and most importantly, make sure your kids know that your love is unconditional. Gods provide unconditional love, and there is a temptation to go to that ideal if it’s not at home. Naturally, you love your kids, but some of us are less adept at communicating that love to our children than others. This needs to be reinforced over and over again until they are about 50 years old.

Got more suggestions on raising an Atheist child? Send them up!

“NJ Dave” is New Jersey State Director and Director for Youth and Families. Email him at N.J. Office of American Atheists.

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